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Sunday, 22 November 2009

Paid Time

In taking a cue from bookmark, I thought I would list a few things I have actually been paid to do. Most of these I had not thought of in years. Some of them for pretty good reason

1.) sitting on the counter of my grandfather's liquor store and singing bawdy ditties (I think I was about 2 or 3). This was apparently a great gig till my mother got wind of it or I sang one of the songs for Father Patrick, depending on who you ask.

2.) fetching whiskey from the back room or low shelves for patrons of above mentioned store. I was a little older then, but not much.

3.) cleaning shelves and counters-little fingers can reach into small corners.

4.) playing bartender at family get togethers.

5.) making beer runs from a dry county (it still never ceases to amaze me how many alcoholics dry counties produce).

6.) picking up stick and stones so the lawn could be mowed.

7.) mowing the lawn.

8.) mowing other people's lawns.

9.) clearing stones from fields.

10.) planting

11.) stripping cotton

12.) working cattle

13.) painting houses

14.) shoeing horses

15.) being a waitress at a pizza joint

16. ) being a lifeguard

17.) being a EMT/Paramedic

18.) being a cop

19.) being a nurses aide

20.) being the library goddess

21.) hotwiring a car

22.) teaching the kid's class at the dojo

23.) teaching pre-school and running a daycare

24.) taking care of the elderly

25.) writing. which out of everything, still totally amazes me.

Saturday, 21 November 2009

Ungrateful Gratitude

There are lots of thanksgiving/gratitude lists going around on xanga and other virtual places and I thought I would add my two cents worth.

Of course, I have a different twist on things.
Instead of listing the top ten things I am grateful for, I am going to be painfully honest and list the top ten things I should be grateful for, but really just ...am not. I dare you to do the same.

1.) Walmart. Top of my list. Not just any Walmart, but the super Walmart. I have yet to be in there when enough registers were open, there was a helpful employee to be found (I learned to ask other customers that look like they shop there a lot) or I didn't witness theft by some of the stupidest people on the planet (shoving a tv under your shirt and telling the cashier you're pregnant really doesn't work. It's entertaining to the rest of us in line, but it doesn't work).

The truth is, despite their corporate evil ways, they probably saved my family many times over. They made it possible for us to have food when I didn't think we could, buy toys for Christmas for our kids when I didn't think we could and afford the drugs we needed when I didn't think we could. I bash them, their overcrowded parking lots, useless employees and annoying smiley commercials, when in truth I owe them. Big time.

2.) McDonalds. Worst food on the planet and most certainly where the term 'heart attack in a sack' came from. And yet, bless them, they gave my kids something to earn and something to look forward to, which in turn gave me a break. Next time you see a family in there, before you bash them for unhealthy eating habits, realize they are not really there for the food. It's family time. In it's own warped little way, they are bonding and making memories in the ball pit and play ground. Leave them alone.

3.) Motorcycle cops. Yes, I know they are there for safety reasons. However, they hide well, move fast and always travel in pairs. That's all I have to say about that.

4.) Government mafia, also known as TSA officials. Anyone who doesn't think the mafia isn't controlled by the government hasn't flown since 911. The ideal is good. The reality is uniformed hoodlums. This is an agency put in place to make the public feel safe, yet they terrorize, shake down, steal from and inconvenience the very public they are put there to protect. I'm trying to appreciate them, but I just don't.

5.) Automatic shut-off's on heating pads. After 15 minutes, my heating pad stalls out. If I wanted it to shut off after 15 minutes, I would personally turn it off. I realize people fall asleep with these and get burned, but I can honestly say I've never used a heating pad for just 15 minutes. Who came up with the 15 minute rule anyway? Thanks for saving me from myself.

6.) Bar tables. These are quite popular now, tho I have no idea why. These are tables that are set at 'bar height' and come up to about my chin. This means the chairs are quite tall and I have to make something of a spectacle of myself to get in one. Once there, I cannot scoot my chair up to the table because I don't have a prayer of reaching the floor with my feet. Someone must then come and scoot me up, making me feel like a toddler. The fact that whoever has to scoot me up can't resist making some snarky remark, doesn't help. I should be grateful for these tho, because once seated and properly positioned, I feel powerful and entitled.

7.) Weight Watcher Scales. There are times one needs to know who much one weighs, but I have yet to find a scale that doesn't like to mess with your head. How you can get up in the morning and weigh one thing, step on it two hours later and weigh 5 lbs more is beyond me. For fun one day I weighed myself every hour (it was raining outside and I was bored) and I never once weighed the same. It always went up too. No wonder women on diets are cranky and insane.

8.) Nutritonal labels on candy bars. Get real. If you're to the point where that candy bar is in your hot little hand, nothing else matters.
While I appreciate the concern for our health, I have never, ever yet seen nor heard of anyone picking up a candy bar, reading the label and putting it back down. Ever.

9.) Microwavable popcorn. Yes, it's easy, but I can't help but feel sorry for anyone who hasn't popped up a pan of Jiffy Pop or even know you could make popcorn in your grandmother's cast iron skillet. It's a lost art. I grieve for these lost generations.

10.) High heels. Coming in a the five foot mark, I should love these things. I look great in them and they give me an added couple/three inches of sheer enpowerment. They throw my shoulders back, make my boobs look bigger and my butt cuter. Sadly at this point for the most part, I am too old to care. I do however, care about the bunions and bad knees I now have because of wearing those stupid things up through my twenties. If you see me out and about in them, please know I am either feeling very needy or trying to impress someone that day.

Friday, 20 November 2009

The Will ..is back.

I spent time over in the hill country and got a lot of nothing done. It was nice. A whole week of just me and the granddog to do whatever we wanted.

We wanted fried chicken for dinner several times.
We wanted ice cream for breakfast and we wanted to go on lots of walks.

We walked by the river and saw things like this:

Most of which came from beyond places like this:

You will notice the barbed wire fence and the No Trespassing sign.
I did too, but I tend to take them along the same line as speed limit signs and more as suggestions
And a good thing too, or I would miss beautiful shots like this:

and this:

That's where all the good stuff is .

In my wanderings, I have only had one mishap and it involved this:

(granddog)

and these:

(moochers)

In wandering down the path by the river, I spotted pretty leaves in the grass and on a whim, looped the leash around my hand a couple of times, leaned over, set down the camera and was in the process of making this:

when granddog spotted the ducks and shot out after them .

The grass was wet and I didn't even see it coming.
I was yanked off my feet and hit the ground with a nice sturdy thud (and more than a few cuss words) and dragged half way down the bank by this stoopid 60 lb basset hound before I could get enough traction to stop her.
By the time I finally got her stopped, my arm and side were scraped up and her front feet and ears had already hit the water and I was close behind.
The ducks of course, merely paddled back into the middle of river and watched with mild interest.

Thank heavens I had set the camera down.

After getting limping back to the house, I set of a rapid fire text to my son telling him how ill-mannered his mutt was and I was disowning her them both once again.
Within the minute I got back a commiserating text of "LOL".

I pointed out to both of them that they had just hit Santa's Naughty List (probably not for the first time either).

So at any rate, I am back in the groove. Other things happened-my laptop crashed and five days of NaNoWriMo were lost (yes, that was me you heard scream), I blew out my knee twice, been back and forth to Houston many times and am now finally able to walk without much a limp (Brick, your suggestion was freakin brilliant. God bless you ).

But I'm back.

Sunday, 08 November 2009

The Will

I think I have lost my will to blog.

That worries me.
I mean, it really really worries me.

I have so much going on and yet the words aren't there to tell you about it.

Maybe I am using them all up on NaNoWriMo? According to my word count, you can't tell it tho

Maybe I have used them up over lunches with old friends and silly fortune cookies:

"In the near future, you will discover how fortunate you are.'

As we go around the table and read them aloud, we are held to the rules of the game to add the words "in bed" to our fortunes. They cause so much laughter, other patrons turn and stare and at least one from our table makes a hasty retreat for the ladies room. Encouraged by our shennigans, our waiter brings us another round of cookies "on the house" and the riot starts all over again.
Patrons from other tables lean in and join the fun and soon there is a run on fortune cookies and half the restaurant is wheezing and redfaced.
Who knew a group of middle aged women could cause such a riot in a small Chinese restaurant?

Yes, maybe I used them all there.

Maybe I think all the good words are used up. Does that happen? Sometimes when I read your blog or your emails, I think you got all the good words and I was too late ...yet again. Is that possible?

Maybe, I think most of all; I am just tired.
There is a novel to write, a baby to be born, a granddog to sit, hospitals to visit and chickens to be fed.

Those thoughts weary me, but I am holding steadfast to my fortune:

"In the near future, you will discover how fortunate you are."

In bed or not.

I believe.

I'll find those words somewhere.

I know I will.

I'll be back.

Monday, 02 November 2009

I Love My Friends

My friends love me

In the past week I have received these as unexpected surprises:

The 'Studs n Spurs' calendar was the first surprise, given to me by my friend Angela. She invited me over for lunch and when I arrived, I noticed a casually dropped Hastings bag on the table. Angela motioned to it and said, "You have a present".
I opened it up and a huge smile lit up my face.
"Oh H*** yeah!"
"I thought you would like that. It just screamed for me to buy it for you."

I'm so glad Angela hears these things

You will also note the Purple Cowboy wine. I haven't tried it yet, but I'm willing to bet the crazy heifer knows her stuff. Bless her heart.

Today, the last surprise came. The cutest little book called Pig Gets Stuck. My favourite Marsha sent that to me along with the cute bookmark. Inside was scribbled a quick note to tell me she saw that right after my last post about getting stuck in the chicken coop door. For some odd reason, it reminded her of me.
Go figure

Thank you all. You brighten my day and make me laugh.

Next time, lunch is on me. Just let me get my calendar and pencil you in.

It may take awhile

Currently
Studs 'N Spurs 2009 Calendar
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